Jungle Fever- Redux

I was standing outside of Wal-Mart smoking on a cancer stick and a young black gentleman walked up to me mumbling something. I could not understand what he was saying through his thick southern accent. As he walked closer we shook hands and I was almost blinded by the gold teeth that filled the top row of his mouth.


Before he went into the store he stated “man do you see all these white chicks? They are hot. I want one of these.” I agreed with him with a smile and thought to myself “what the hell did he just say?” Believe me, this dude looked like he was in a candy store- eyes wide open and drooling. This was one of those times that I was glad that I separated from my wife for a second and let her get the sandwiches.  If she was there I would have never had the best laugh of the day.

I won’t lie, for a second I felt like I pulled off mission impossible. But then, after thinking about all of the work that it takes to make an interracial marriage work, the cloud of doom slowly started to float above.

Is this the mentality that people take when it comes to marriage?  Are we trying to find someone to be with based solely upon color? I have dated all types of women and ethnicity was not the first trait that I based my preference. Being in a multicultural marriage is not for the weak of heart and those that continue to believe that racism has been eliminated are sorely mistaken.

But by all means, if you are ready to be treated like a second-hand citizen, be scrutinized by black women and white men, confuse all the children in the world- even yours, and live on the edge of sanity at times, then go for it!  But be prepared to adapt to all types of settings and know that it takes a strong couple with thick skin to deal with these issues.

I do not think that it is a coincidence that African American studies and Women studies are placed next to each other in the book store. It is like they have all of the minorities in one place. I mean blacks, gays, lesbians, and feminists can all huddle up in one section of the book store and exchange stories of oppression and frustration. Imagine that bumper sicker on the back of a car.  Of course, there is also a book in that section on why black men marry white women… written by a black woman. Hmmm.

But this confusion and mass hysteria is not only for the couple but the in-laws as well. Like the time I walked into Subway with my in-laws and it looked like a Klan was having a field trip.  I was used to it by now, but my mother in-law looked at me and we smiled. She knew that these people were confused and upset. I wonder what they were thinking. I just wanted to tell them that these people adopted me or better yet- “do not worry, there are still a few white women left for you”.

The challenges are huge. I mean, imagine shopping for an anniversary card. Do I pick the two white hands or the black hands? Why is it that every doll my daughter has looks like Dora? Or what do I say when other kids walk up to her speaking Spanish?  But there are so many benefits as well. We strategically send each other into certain places to get things done. For example if I need to go into a store in a black neighborhood guess who is going in? Or if we need directions on how to get out of the middle of nowhere it is her turn.

There have been so many times that I have heard people say they are searching for a “white girl” or I only date “black men”. There is nothing wrong with having preferences in a mate, but to only target specific races doesn’t seem right.

I did not search out for my wife on a web-site, or go to a club that was only filled with white women. It was a chance encounter that included great conversations and a few laughs that have led to years of love and raising a family. It did take some getting use to being the only black person in the room, but when it is all said and done we are all people. Love is something that should not be dependent on color or status because at the end of the day, we all are going to have to want to make it work for a marriage of any kind to succeed.   

There are still times that I feel rather angry at the way that I am treated and when people feel as if because I am married to a white woman that I am different from other black males. That is not the case. Sometimes I feel as if it has excluded me from my own community. When the black jokes start flying like June bugs it gets rather old and takes a suit of steel and a whole lot of love to make it through the night. I still feel as if I am Public Enemy No. 1 and that at any moment the blame will be pointed in my direction. 

I think multicultural children are some of the most beautiful children in the world. A message that we should all intertwine and marry in this world as this will slowly erase some of the racism and tension that we face.

It is a hard battle and one that some are not willing to fight. I have many friends that are in interracial marriages and right now I would like to applaud them all because we are changing the world one family at a time. Thanks to the last presidential election our children have a role model that they can look up to that is more than a movie star or an athlete. Who is, by the way, interracial.   

And to the young brother that I ran into at the store today, I hope you find the right person no matter what color they are. Oh, and to the black woman who wrote that book on why I, a black man, married my white wife- can you call me before you profit on your lack of information on the subject? Thanks.