My American Experience

I have lived in many places in this United States of Crazies. I was trapped with Texas for seven years. The dude confused the hell out of me. I understood that he held his pants up with the black book, but boy did he live a sinful life. He always had to be told to clean up his room. “Don’t mess with Texas”- of course most people think that is because he is such a badass, but it is exactly the opposite. 

There is nothing like watching a redneck (they like that title), spitting his chew out the window while you are all waiting in the extreme heat for the light to change. Of course everything is cheap- who would pay top dollar to enjoy the flames of hell- would you?

Cockroaches are often referred to as “water bugs”.  June bugs fly directly into the light over and over again and they deny evolution? But I did enjoy stepping on these almost prehistoric creatures- squash and scrape that was my routine. Spiders were often bigger than most birds, and the fire ants that came from the banana boats really needed to be nuked.  I am sure that Texas will return, they have that fighter’s spirit out there- I give them that.

Not everything in Texas was, or is, bad. I did enjoy their style of BBQ. There is nothing like watching a high school football game under the lights, of course, right next to a natural gas rig that is spewing out toxic fumes making everyone in the town sick.  But they are often too drunk to realize that the EPA and the Railroad Commission could care less if they are slowly dying. I watched one of the most beautiful buildings for gladiators ever created being built as they snatched the land from people that didn’t want to move but were handed some nickels and dimes and told to find a new home. But I did get to BOOOOOOOOOOO Bush with his “leave every child behind” philosophies.

When they say Texas is a whole different country- they really mean it. If you would like to lease land, feed deer tiny bits of most likely fake corn, then sit in a stand and kill Bambi- that is the place for you. If you would like to enter a Church, praise God while you look at a Confederate flag on the arm of a group of so-called children of God, then that is the place for you. If being racially profiled is your gig- he is waiting for you.

I also lived in Arizona for a few years. There is nothing like living in a fucking oven surrounding by the most beautiful rock formations ever. I was a college student along with my girlfriend (now wife). This was the first time that my future wife lived outside of California. She was surprised by the amount of white people that she saw (she is white). She also thought it was odd that dressing up like you were going to the club was not necessary when only going shopping- darn Californians.

We were both chased by some Latinos- who must have thought some sort of revolution was taking place and I was on the wrong side. (No, really- physically chased.)  We met a lesbian couple that seemed to hate white people… unless they needed some sugar or a ride somewhere. The mall seemed to be the best place to get into a fight, along with a bar filled with Native Americans that escaped the Reservations and wanted to kidnap my girlfriend and sell me back to my masters or skin me.   I couldn’t figure it out- but we got out of there.

I still return to Arizona at times. I have a lot of friends that still live there. They have a nice stadium, the heat is hotter than anything I have ever been in, and the women still wear no clothes. They don’t care if they are size 2 or 80- they are going to wear a bikini and you will see it all. Personally I believe that Arizona is nothing more than a suburb of LA. If you can’t afford Cali- Arizona will welcome you, along with some other individuals hiding from something or someone.

I also lived in Oregon- twice. I really enjoyed that place. It was a mixture of California and living in a rain forest. I would often pray for the sun, but it would never show up long enough. He would poke through the clouds tease you and then allow for the clouds to continue to piss on you again.

I had a great time, being chased by cowboys- (things always like chasing me- or I like running when I calculate the odds are not in my favor). Drugs could be found everywhere, no one was from Oregon but the old people, and the young people that lived there seemed to have more experience with drugs than any kid in the inner city. The place was beautiful, but I had to escape the rain. I could not take it anymore. Plus all of the Californians that I didn’t like were all moving there.

Why am I telling you all of these random experiences that I have had in different states? Because from my experience I can understand this disconnect and division in our country- (back to politics). 

Most people do not leave their state or even their hometown for that matter. The bubbles that we live in protect us from reality. The reality that all of our experiences are different is something that is hard for some to even comprehend. Of course Texas has a huge respect and admiration for guns and saving babies before they are born, but turning around and killing them when they are adults. Either by natural gas wells, or the prison system. Arizona is nothing but a gun range in the middle of the desert that is really a sibling of Los Angeles. Oregon is beautiful, the best place to read a book, climb a mountain, and drink coffee- all at the same time.

But returning to my bubble of California had to be one of the best choices that I have made. I would rather raise my children in a state that is open minded, falling into the ocean, too dumb to figure out that they need high-speed rail, the smell of reefer everywhere, the land often shakes but at least my stuff in Texas will not end up in Oklahoma, religion seems optional, like clothes on any day in the city, everything is expensive, new stadium is on its way, and if you think it- they will outsource to get it built.

I love the United States, but I hate the brainwashing and manipulation of the citizens. All of our bubbles keep us safe- but they do pop, and when they do- RUN, sure you might not find a place that is like the one you left. They all have good and bad, enjoy the good, and unfriend the bad. I have only lived in four states, I wish I could have lived in more. But my experiences have offered me a better insight on why the United States has been simplified to coloring by numbers, either red or blue- well I’m coloring with green- hey that’s my crayon.