Stop Muggin'

What is happening in the black community?   All communities for that fact, or is it just that I left the Southwest- where people still had respect for one another? For example, anytime I leave my home in California and I happen to be in the same proximity of a black man (my age, younger, older- whatever) they seem as if they want to "mean mug", or stare at me rudely.I think to myself “wow, really? This is how we are going to treat each other?” But I still pay my homage and respect. I still make eye contact, nod my head, and say “what’s up”. It is not like I believe that we should stop and have a conversation, but we should respect one another.


 As a Communications Major, I understand the importance of human communication. Both verbal and non-verbal communication is very important in any situation.  I feel as if we have lost respect for one another as black men. We always treat one another like we are in a rap video or some characters in a gangster movie. What happen to community? What happen to respect?


As long as we continue to stare at one another in a way that is disrespectful we will do nothing but continue the destructive behaviors that are in our community. I have spoken about the dangers of our music, one form of communication. But we also have to examine the devastating actions that non-verbal communication plays.


Non-verbal communication is the way that we dress, the way that we walk, how we look at each other, and how we stand.  All of these things give off certain cues. These cues can be either positive or negative, but the fact remains, we are giving off these cues all the time, and it is dangerous if every identifier is negative.


I was heading to the store in my small town and three young black men were walking by. Not only was there a police officer making his rounds- driving slowly, but it was a nice night. I made eye contact with all three of these young men and in return they started to “mean-mug”.  These kids, with their clothes falling off and their plastic snap back hats were all wearing the uniform of the new house Negro.  This disrespect really shocked me.

As I left the scene, I was a little upset at the reaction from these three young men. I thought to myself, that their parents were failures because they did not teach their children respect. I believe that it is important to respect your elders. But we need to take this a little further and respect one another.

By walking around and staring at one another like we want to get into a fight is not good for our health. I do not think that white people walk around exchanging stares and starting fights with one another. I am not sure about this completely but it does not seem to be the case. This little cultural habit is something that bothers the hell out of me. Most of the people that should be reading this probably are watching a fight on social-cam right now, and believe that their actions are a part of “being black”.

So please black men, next time you see another black man, do not put on your movie face, or your video mask, and just pay respect. There is no need for us to continue this harmful non-verbal behavior. This behavior is being taught to our children, and we need to stop the mugging so that we can overcome the crumbling of our community and remake our cultural norms.I am sure that there are many things that we can agree on and many changes that we can make if we work together. But our actions create nothing but division amongst ourselves. It is no longer necessary for “the man” or any other organization to lynch us, or segregate us; we do today by our own free will.

There is power in numbers, and with as many brothers that are searching for opportunity, there is plenty of it if we work together. I am sure that this mean mugging is not happening everywhere, but where it does happen it needs to stop. There is no need for violence amongst us; our struggles with society are often hard enough. There is no need for us to place more obstacles in front of ourselves.

This is not only to avoid the extinction of a race, but to help our children have better lives as well. Our children often act, talk, and walk, like the people that raise them. There is no need for us to continue to spread this type of nonsense to the youth, our future. Look, I am not asking for a whole conversation, just respect. If we continue to mean mug one another this just shows the lack of respect that we have for ourselves.     

A Message to Fathers Raising Daughters

Raising a daughter is a task like no other. Fathers always hear that their little daughters will have them wrapped around their finger. You will do anything for them.

I am very lucky because I was able to watch my mother and father raise two girls. They raised their daughters to be strong and stand up for what they believed in. They made sure to never break their sprits. It is very important to make sure that a child’s spirit is never broken. Parents play a huge role in the mental developmental process of children.

As a stay at home father I have spent long periods of time with my children alone and have had to deal with all types of situations. When I was left alone with my daughter for the first time, I was in shock. I spent 14 months alone with my son, but all of the sudden I was afraid to change a diaper. I didn’t want to do it, but there was no way that I was going to allow her to walk around the house with a saggy diaper. After overcoming my fear of the little girl zone there emerged several new obstacles that were different from raising a son. These are my tips based on what I have learned so far:

1) Treat your children fairly

My son was rather easy and very calm. My daughter was always very excited and full of energy. She was always trying to keep up with her brother. Since she is younger than her brother she is always in a competitive mode. No matter what the situation is even to this day my daughter is always trying to get praise and beat out her brother in any situation. After hearing all of the comments of how she was going to control my feelings and that I was going to treat her differently then her brother, I made a conscious decision to make sure that I raised them fair and treated them the same way.

2) Give them the attention they need

Children need a father’s attention, but especially daughters. As fathers, our job is to raise children that are productive and can offer something to society. As a father raising a daughter I have taken the approach to show my daughter what it is like to be around a man that treats women with respect. I hope that this will show her how she should be treated by any other man that may enter her life.

3) Treat your wife with respect

This may sound rather simple but this approach is very important. I make sure that I treat my wife with respect in front of both my son and daughter so that my son knows how important it is to respect woman, this also demonstrates to my daughter how a man should treat her in the future. Our current society is still disrespectful to women. It is shown in our movies, music, advertisements, and many other aspects of our society. It is important to offer our children, especially daughters, positive images of women in society.

4) Find role models

My daughter is lucky that she has the opportunity to see such a positive woman like her mother in her life. My wife is a breadwinner, a scholar, a nurse, and to most a feminist. All of these traits have helped my daughter develop into a strong little girl due to roles being reversed in a household. But it is also important for the negative images of women to be counteracted by positive images of women. For example most men enjoy watching sports, if your daughter is in the room and the opportunity is available let your daughter watch women playing sports. My daughter enjoys watching women playing soccer with me. The first time she watched women playing she was happy and sat down on the couch and watched the whole game. This was one of the best moments that I have experienced this summer with my daughter.

5) Teach your daughter to respect herself

Do not force her to become a sex object by letting her run around town in her two-piece bikini, and cover her face in make-up in the early stages of her life. This only helps promote the sex image that the media is dependent on. Fathers, we are raising the women of the future and it is important that they have the tools necessary to find men that will respect them and love them.

So in short fathers- treat your daughter like she is the love of your life. Cherish her and allow her to be who she is. If we love them like they should be loved then we can help them grow into the strong women we know they can be.