My Block

My block is slightly curved, because all of the cul-de-sacs were taken. But my block is the new America. 

To my left is a Latino family that cooks the best carne asada that I have ever tasted. 

Next door to them is a white family that home-school their children. They run up and down the street in their bare-feet tossing rocks at one another. 

On my right is a family from Fiji that has trained me to love the smell of curry.  Their son calls me “Uncle”- even when we aren't on our block.  

Directly across the street is another Latino family that has a gardener do their lawn twice a month. 

On my block, there is an old Asian man that, in the early morning hours, steals Recyclables.  But he always smiles and waves. I reply with a wave as he pedals away on his ten-speed. 

My block has a black family on the end of the street that park their car so close to the stop sign you have to drive out extra far and stop twice before venturing out into the world. 

My block is filled with basketball hoops, mini-vans, Mercedes and BMW's- of course, none of them are mine. On my block, we all wave- because I wave… and eventually, people wave back. 

On my block, there are a few stray cats- but I have never seen a rat- on my block. 

My bock is filled with life and happiness, but sometimes sadness plays a visit as a member of our block loses a relative. 

My block is filled with immigrants, natives, and soldiers who fought for our block.

Our block is the new America, the way that it should be. Filled with every race, gender, religion, and age living together. 

My block is filled with commuters heading to the train and parents taking kids to school. We leave together and return together- a synchronized dance of movement with beauty and grace, and of course, the occasional honk of impatience.   

My block should be every block!

Rainbow Flags and Black Books

"The Family Research Council strongly opposes gay marriage and abortion and says it advocates 'faith, family and freedom in public policy and public opinion.'” ¹

Wait a minute, hold up.  Did I read that correctly? First of all, why do we need a group called “The Family Research Council” in the first place? Is a family something that needs to be researched? Or is this just another way for a group to claim that they are not racist or discriminating, and walk around and throw money at elected officials to support their agenda.

But the fact remains that the statement that they believe in public policy and public opinion is ridiculous. They should change their tag line to “we believe that public policy should be allowed to discriminate”. I have put my neck on the line for the issue of allowing gay people to marry and adopt, because I see the bigger picture.

Here is a little background for you about me and this issue. I use to oppose gay marriage; I use to believe that it was wrong. But like most sensible humans I really thought about the situation, and it was rather simple. First of all, I am not gay, so why am I so worried about what they are doing in the first place? Secondly I believe in the true definition of Freedom.

Look, if these men and women are good enough to catch a bullet and die for us here in our plush air conditioned homes, watching two political parties that are involved in the same destructive policies, then why can’t these individuals be able to get married? So it is alright for them to die for us, but it is not alright for them to have freedom to love who they may.

I mean, we are worried about the economy right? I am sure that there would be a lot of people getting paid if we allowed these individuals to get married. Weddings, honeymoons, cakes, gifts, and on and on!  

As a parent, one thing I had to realize was that no matter how I think my children should live, one day they are going to be able to make their own decisions, and if one of my children walked up to me and told me that they were gay the last thing I would do is tell them that they are going to go to hell.

I am sure there are a lot of people dealing with this, and those that are going to have to face this in the future; I hope they are prepared to deal with it, and I hope they chose to be supportive.

With all the recent energy that Mitt Romney has received for selecting Ryan and the individuals that refuse to look at Mr. Ryan’s voting trends, it is rather ignorant to put it politely. I think it is odd that Mr. Ryan is so strongly against abortion.  A man shouldn’t really be making decisions for women in the first place, but he is so twisted that he also believes that a gay couple should not be able to adopt.  So not only is he forcing women to have unwanted babies, but he is denying those who want to adopt them!

See, that is why I have to separate myself from the conservative party.  They scream and rant about too much government but then they start restricting every part of our lives at will. Of course I am not into throwing all of our money out to those that do not want to work and continue to live off welfare without trying to improve themselves. But to deny love and companionship is pretty crazy in this day and age.

I think most children do not care who raises them- gay, straight, or whatever. They just want to be loved. And if that means allowing gay couples to adopt them and get these children out of foster care, then fine- let gay people adopt.

I do not think that a gay couple is really trying to adopt children for some gay revolution- to eliminate all straight people on the planet. When a couple is in love no matter gay or straight there is a lot of love to share, and if they can do that and produce productive individuals in our society then I am fine with that, personally.

I am tired of the bigotry and hate that is often entrenched within politics and religion. When you present facts to most of these individuals they are quick to forget the evolutionary cycle that humans have been through. You would swear that they are still dragging their knuckles on the ground, trying to make a fire with two twigs.

So in my personal opinion, until we allow all individuals to get married and live a prosperous life, then such violent acts, like what happened at the movie theater, the temple, and many other situations- will continue to happen. I challenge all of you to really think about it.  How are gay issues really harming your life?

Oh yeah, and if you live in California you should pack your bags and move real quick, because gay and lesbian studies will become mandatory. I wish they would have made African American studies mandatory, but hey, it is what is what it is, and to deny that gay and lesbians have made great contributions to our society would be foolish.

I am sure if that hunk of a fire fighter pulling your ass out of burning building was gay, you wouldn’t be saying “No! Put me down! Let me burn!” I never agree with violence in any situation, just wanted to point out that this group is not for freedom and should never say such a thing, they are for restricting freedom. I wonder if guns were created before the bible, would they be illegal?... Oops I forgot, guns don’t kill people, people kill people…. answered my own question.

     

1: http://www.sfgate.com/news/article/Official-Suspect-criticized-group-before-shooting-3790208.php#ixzz23exsh31s

Dads, Welcome to the Club

            I have been a stay at home father for a while now. I love it, but I also prepared myself for the new work force at the same time. I have completed my Associates, Bachelors, and am currently enrolled in my Masters degree.

            It is a hard job. I was left with my son in my arms when he was two weeks old. I was ready for the challenge. I was also lucky enough to have some experience. I worked with my mother at a daycare center that offered an after school program during the summer. I was also responsible for working with children ranging from 1-3 years old in foster care.

            These children had many different challenges. Their mothers were crack addicts and this addiction was passed down to the children. The children had many different behavioral problems; some of them had violent responses to the simplest request.

            There is a new movement towards men staying at home and raising their children. This is great news. But dads, do all us other dads a favor and prove all of the “nay-sayers”, wrong, and do not let the world take a crap on your manhood.

            There is nothing like being there with you children, if possible. Cherish it, and teach them what the world is all about early. I had to deal with the battles and inner-demons of feeling like a failure, but I did my job, and I did my job well.

            I also supported my wife. Emotional support is huge, because they also feel and fight their own inner-demons. This type of role reversal is rather hard. Women often face a barrage of questions while they are in the workforce.

            I did not hold my wife back from doing what needs to be in the corporate world. I knew that she would have to attend dinners after work hours, and that she would also have to continue her education, to break the glass ceiling.

            Even to this day, there are long hours on both of our schedules. I am the taxi driver, the tutor, the cook, and even the psychologist. But it works for my family and in this economy we are doing fine.    

            I made it through the early ages with no broken arms, no diaper rashes, and no news stories of lost children at the park. I know that shortly I will be entering the work-force and I hope that my education allows for me to create my own business.

            S,o to the new stay-at-home dads, welcome to the club.  But know that this is also an opportunity to improve your skills.  Take time for yourself because it is needed. And support your other half.  Do what you would expect of them if they were at home. When my wife walks in the front door dinner is ready, homework is done, and the house is clean.

            It is not just about being at home with the kids, but holding down the fort, and raising children that are prepared  to deal with the world outside.

Son, I Am Not Your Father...

            The day that I found out my father was not my father was a day that I will never forget. The windows were rolled down and I was in the passenger seat. The smell of chronic was filling up fast and I was feeling a little strange. My father said, “son, I have something to tell you”. I was waiting for the ultimate surprise.

            Maybe we were going to take a family vacation, or maybe a new pair of shoes was stuffed in the trunk. But the world slowed down, and the words seemed as if they came out even slower “I am not your dad”. What! I thought to myself. You are not my father? I have been living a lie for the last 15 years?

 From that day on, I was never the same. I never looked at my mother, my sisters, or anyone around me the same. I felt as if I did not belong. That I was stuck in some twilight zone- and I was screwed. I was glad that a man stepped up and was there for me and took the responsibility of trying to raise me. He did a great job in some areas and could have done better in others.

           I did not want to know this at all. I would have rather believed that he was my father. This is not a little white lie like Santa Clause or the Easter Bunny, this was a huge cover-up. It was worse than Bill Clinton and the stains on that dress. It was a totally elaborate scheme that fooled everyone.  

            My mother lied to me. The one woman in the world that I was supposed to be able to trust was nothing but a liar. How could the one person that carried me inside her body for nine months not tell me the truth? The more I thought about it, the more that I continued to rebel.

            As I looked at other men playing with their sons and daughters I wondered if that was a lie as well. My last name was not mine. I was not a Harris, I was an unknown. But what difference did it make? It made a huge difference in my life.

 I had a connection with my Grandmother like no other. When I was young I would sleep in her bed, and she would read to me at night. She provided the shelter over my head and was the reason that I had such a beautiful ocean view outside my front door.  And this unknown man took that away from me because he said “it was making me a weak little boy”. How could love make me a week little boy? Love never makes anyone weak- only stronger.

            Besides my mother, my grandmother was the only real biological connection I had in the home. Now I knew why I was treated differently compared to my sisters. Now I knew why I would get the heavy end of the rod, and they would only get yelled at. It started to click and it all made sense.

            I was damaged for a long time, and that damage lead to some serious mistakes being made in my life. I have overcome those difficulties, and have grown into a man, that knows how important the role of a father is. On this day both of my biological children received student of the month at their school. I study hard, and push them even harder because I know that is my role.

            To all of the mothers, step-mothers, fathers and step-fathers, make sure that you tell your children the truth. The truth is what establishes how our lives will turn out. There are no little lies, only big ones that can destroy a young child that may never be able to recover and believes that lies are used to protect. But the reality is they only destroy.   

Damn it Feels Good to be a Gangster

I never knew that I was a gangster; I was surprised when theses accusations were tossed my way. Politically motivated, a scholar, father and a husband sound more appropriate. It would be rather hard to play soccer outside with my daughter while I was dodging bullets. It would be rather hard to concentrate on my school work while I was constantly looking over my shoulder watching out for the rival gang member to attack me.

I mean, we all know that I live in one the roughest neighborhoods in the world- with the constant howling of coyotes and acres of farmland that surround my small town. This really offers me the best opportunity to recruit little kids and teach them how to do a drive-by. I’m such a hard gangster that I picked my children’s school based upon the merits of the district. Would a gangster be able to write and talk about society in a manner like this?

I have spoken out against the gangster mentality that has plagued our society. I have made a conscious decision due to role models like my father and mother to do something with my life and raise my family in the most respectful and honorable way that I can. I have taught my children about accountability, the importance of an education, and the importance of love and kindness.

But accusations like these are often misdirected due to the ignorance and sometimes racist insecurities of certain individuals. Those that have no connection to the real world but would rather believe the images they have seen on the 100 hours of television they are subjected to on a weekly basis.

But this is a problem with society- we never take the time to know anyone, but rather judge them by the way they dress. People should be judged on their actions. People often spend so much time worrying about other individuals that they do not take the time to look at themselves and understand how they can improve their own lives. There is always room for improvement. Are we all where we want to be in our lives? Is there more that we can do for one another and support one another in a world that is often filled with so much evil that goals seem impossible?

I have lost friends to the streets. They should still be here today. I have seen friends locked up for most of their teenage years. Poverty has increased in America; men and women are dying across the earth fighting for our freedom. There is so much more to focus on instead of passing lies and false accusations. These actions can be connected to the term “Hater”, but I would rather take it deeper than that, and deal with the fact that we have rather sick people that feel the need to lie to make them selves feel better by always talking about others.

God truly does work in mysterious ways. As soon as I started writing this blog there was a knock on the door. It was a delivery of the pictures of me and my wife walking across the stage accepting our diplomas. A reminder that I am not a gangster, that I am striving to do more with my life and I am surrounded by some of the greatest neighbors and friends that a man could ask for.

Being a gangster is not what young men strive for. It is a social and economic issue that has plagued America. Some of these young men and women do not have a chance or opportunity to become better citizens. Some of these children come from broken homes and are surrounded in conditions that I can not even imagine to be subjected to. There are other gangsters out there as well. There are gangsters that bottle water and sell it to the people, pollute our air, and control the media with negatives images of all aspects of our society only in search of profits.

This is a warning for me and all the others that just so happen to wear a pair of jeans and a baseball cap. We are gangsters! We should not and can not be trusted! We live for the excitement of war and killing our own people. While we send our children to school, attend college, and are there for our friends in the darkest moments, we are planning the next drive-by and waiting to sell drugs to our people.

To all of those that think they are surrounded by gangsters and feel the need to lock themselves in their homes with cameras and motion detectors- while you are at it add some bars on the windows and pad the walls of your home, because you are the real nutcases out there. Not those that have better things to worry about than the dog and pony show in their own front yard. The Devil approaches with a smile and spreads lies while he is stabbing you in the back with his pitchfork.

I will see you all later. It is time for me to jump in the low-low, throw on my baseball cap, and do a drive-by with my AK-47 and hoodlum children. I think there are a couple of cows that have been talking mess about me and my boys and I think that it is time for some pay back… gangster style.

A Message to Fathers Raising Daughters

Raising a daughter is a task like no other. Fathers always hear that their little daughters will have them wrapped around their finger. You will do anything for them.

I am very lucky because I was able to watch my mother and father raise two girls. They raised their daughters to be strong and stand up for what they believed in. They made sure to never break their sprits. It is very important to make sure that a child’s spirit is never broken. Parents play a huge role in the mental developmental process of children.

As a stay at home father I have spent long periods of time with my children alone and have had to deal with all types of situations. When I was left alone with my daughter for the first time, I was in shock. I spent 14 months alone with my son, but all of the sudden I was afraid to change a diaper. I didn’t want to do it, but there was no way that I was going to allow her to walk around the house with a saggy diaper. After overcoming my fear of the little girl zone there emerged several new obstacles that were different from raising a son. These are my tips based on what I have learned so far:

1) Treat your children fairly

My son was rather easy and very calm. My daughter was always very excited and full of energy. She was always trying to keep up with her brother. Since she is younger than her brother she is always in a competitive mode. No matter what the situation is even to this day my daughter is always trying to get praise and beat out her brother in any situation. After hearing all of the comments of how she was going to control my feelings and that I was going to treat her differently then her brother, I made a conscious decision to make sure that I raised them fair and treated them the same way.

2) Give them the attention they need

Children need a father’s attention, but especially daughters. As fathers, our job is to raise children that are productive and can offer something to society. As a father raising a daughter I have taken the approach to show my daughter what it is like to be around a man that treats women with respect. I hope that this will show her how she should be treated by any other man that may enter her life.

3) Treat your wife with respect

This may sound rather simple but this approach is very important. I make sure that I treat my wife with respect in front of both my son and daughter so that my son knows how important it is to respect woman, this also demonstrates to my daughter how a man should treat her in the future. Our current society is still disrespectful to women. It is shown in our movies, music, advertisements, and many other aspects of our society. It is important to offer our children, especially daughters, positive images of women in society.

4) Find role models

My daughter is lucky that she has the opportunity to see such a positive woman like her mother in her life. My wife is a breadwinner, a scholar, a nurse, and to most a feminist. All of these traits have helped my daughter develop into a strong little girl due to roles being reversed in a household. But it is also important for the negative images of women to be counteracted by positive images of women. For example most men enjoy watching sports, if your daughter is in the room and the opportunity is available let your daughter watch women playing sports. My daughter enjoys watching women playing soccer with me. The first time she watched women playing she was happy and sat down on the couch and watched the whole game. This was one of the best moments that I have experienced this summer with my daughter.

5) Teach your daughter to respect herself

Do not force her to become a sex object by letting her run around town in her two-piece bikini, and cover her face in make-up in the early stages of her life. This only helps promote the sex image that the media is dependent on. Fathers, we are raising the women of the future and it is important that they have the tools necessary to find men that will respect them and love them.

So in short fathers- treat your daughter like she is the love of your life. Cherish her and allow her to be who she is. If we love them like they should be loved then we can help them grow into the strong women we know they can be.