Don’t Stay in the Kitchen

Have you heard these clowns running around talking about the destruction of marriage and the natural selection cycle of the human race on the decline? (http://nymag.com/thecut/2013/05/watch-fox-news-panic-over-female-breadwinners.html)

Simply because some women are forced to be breadwinners due to the absence of a male in the home, and others have chosen to have a career that offers them excellent wages.

Of course, the economic situation in our country has changed the landscape of the workforce. Factories have shut down; construction jobs crept to a halt- and let’s face it, a lot of men do not have the skill sets that are sought after in this current economy.

We all know the way that Fox spun the issue with their news reporting style. They turned the story into the Armageddon of Man. Sort of how Eve is always to blame for the world that we live in. If she would have never eaten that forbidden fruit- Eve put that iPhone down!  Serve me woman!

Since a majority of the population has decided not to take statistics but instead enroll in ballroom dancing, it is easy to see why this story has caused so much controversy. FEAR- if the black unemployment rate was lower I am sure that Obama would have another scandal on his hands.  

There is nothing wrong with a woman being the breadwinner. Just because a woman is making more than a man does not suggest that marriage is under attack. Maybe it suggests that women have adapted to the society they live in and have gained the necessary skills to survive instead of being on Welfare. Maybe we should applaud these women instead of vilifying them.  

Just because a women is making more than her husband should not mean that their son is going to be bound to life in the kitchen watching Sports Center, or How to survive in the wild with a toothpick.

This subject cannot and should not be talked about by people that do not have any experience with the issue. The stats are misleading. It needs to be broken down by several other factors as well. For example how many of these households are educated, how many decided that this was right for them, and finally how many mothers have no other options.

I personally am a part of this new phenomenon (or destruction of so-called marriage). My wife is a business professional. We have two children and have decided that the best way for them to be raised is with one parent at home.

The deciding factor on who was going to stay home, was based on who had the lowest salary.  I am not ashamed to say that I was defeated in this little challenge.  I could have taken a job at the local 7-11 and been forced to work multiple jobs in order to put a roof over our children’s head ten years ago- but WE decided differently.

Did my manhood simply vanish? Nope. I have a beard, I still pee standing up, and I even knocked out a few degrees while I had the time. Our son enjoys so-called “manly” activities- you know- shooting avatars with military style weaponry and farting then evacuating the room. Our daughter wears pink, understands that women can achieve anything they want in life, and is not simply forced to remain barefoot in the kitchen.

Look, numbers are just that- numbers, but they do not talk, they do not explain every single detail. Numbers are often so skewed in the direction of those in control that their intended audience does not even check the facts but regurgitates the same insane rhetorical hysterical fairytale gibberish. Tow the party line is what they must say in their morning meetings.

If they were really concerned about marriage, then they would have allowed the man to stay in subsidized housing with their families. Instead men were not allowed to stay with their children and family.  If our society really cared about marriage then we would not allow for men to get locked away on silly drug possession charges and denied financial aid to attend college.

If we really want to examine the breakdown of family and marriage we should not be looking at employment statistics only, but education and social issues as well. With a 50% divorce rate- marriage has been under attack for years.    

You want to know what helps the community in situations like these- It’s when men spend time in the community.  Men like me, who have taken this opportunity to spend time at my children’s school. The field trips that I have attended, the Site Council meetings, and the Superintendent / Parents Board, these things help the community.

I have seen so many fathers picking up their children from school, helping them with their homework, and even at the playground with their children during the day.  No longer do they have to wear that shirt with the fake baby in a pouch, now they have a baby in a pouch. 

Marriage and the male role in our society are not being destroyed- they are changing. Of course most men would be scared of this. Men ran everything for a while and look what the hell we turned into. We turned into a society that is so hyped up on violence that video games are nothing but recruiting tools for the military.

Look, without women our silly asses would not be here, history has skewed the role of women so bad that they still have to fight for justice and equality. And now that women have started to shatter that glass ceiling- ditching baking bread in the kitchen for earning bread in the workplace- men are threatened. 

Dads, Welcome to the Club

            I have been a stay at home father for a while now. I love it, but I also prepared myself for the new work force at the same time. I have completed my Associates, Bachelors, and am currently enrolled in my Masters degree.

            It is a hard job. I was left with my son in my arms when he was two weeks old. I was ready for the challenge. I was also lucky enough to have some experience. I worked with my mother at a daycare center that offered an after school program during the summer. I was also responsible for working with children ranging from 1-3 years old in foster care.

            These children had many different challenges. Their mothers were crack addicts and this addiction was passed down to the children. The children had many different behavioral problems; some of them had violent responses to the simplest request.

            There is a new movement towards men staying at home and raising their children. This is great news. But dads, do all us other dads a favor and prove all of the “nay-sayers”, wrong, and do not let the world take a crap on your manhood.

            There is nothing like being there with you children, if possible. Cherish it, and teach them what the world is all about early. I had to deal with the battles and inner-demons of feeling like a failure, but I did my job, and I did my job well.

            I also supported my wife. Emotional support is huge, because they also feel and fight their own inner-demons. This type of role reversal is rather hard. Women often face a barrage of questions while they are in the workforce.

            I did not hold my wife back from doing what needs to be in the corporate world. I knew that she would have to attend dinners after work hours, and that she would also have to continue her education, to break the glass ceiling.

            Even to this day, there are long hours on both of our schedules. I am the taxi driver, the tutor, the cook, and even the psychologist. But it works for my family and in this economy we are doing fine.    

            I made it through the early ages with no broken arms, no diaper rashes, and no news stories of lost children at the park. I know that shortly I will be entering the work-force and I hope that my education allows for me to create my own business.

            S,o to the new stay-at-home dads, welcome to the club.  But know that this is also an opportunity to improve your skills.  Take time for yourself because it is needed. And support your other half.  Do what you would expect of them if they were at home. When my wife walks in the front door dinner is ready, homework is done, and the house is clean.

            It is not just about being at home with the kids, but holding down the fort, and raising children that are prepared  to deal with the world outside.

A Message to Fathers Raising Daughters

Raising a daughter is a task like no other. Fathers always hear that their little daughters will have them wrapped around their finger. You will do anything for them.

I am very lucky because I was able to watch my mother and father raise two girls. They raised their daughters to be strong and stand up for what they believed in. They made sure to never break their sprits. It is very important to make sure that a child’s spirit is never broken. Parents play a huge role in the mental developmental process of children.

As a stay at home father I have spent long periods of time with my children alone and have had to deal with all types of situations. When I was left alone with my daughter for the first time, I was in shock. I spent 14 months alone with my son, but all of the sudden I was afraid to change a diaper. I didn’t want to do it, but there was no way that I was going to allow her to walk around the house with a saggy diaper. After overcoming my fear of the little girl zone there emerged several new obstacles that were different from raising a son. These are my tips based on what I have learned so far:

1) Treat your children fairly

My son was rather easy and very calm. My daughter was always very excited and full of energy. She was always trying to keep up with her brother. Since she is younger than her brother she is always in a competitive mode. No matter what the situation is even to this day my daughter is always trying to get praise and beat out her brother in any situation. After hearing all of the comments of how she was going to control my feelings and that I was going to treat her differently then her brother, I made a conscious decision to make sure that I raised them fair and treated them the same way.

2) Give them the attention they need

Children need a father’s attention, but especially daughters. As fathers, our job is to raise children that are productive and can offer something to society. As a father raising a daughter I have taken the approach to show my daughter what it is like to be around a man that treats women with respect. I hope that this will show her how she should be treated by any other man that may enter her life.

3) Treat your wife with respect

This may sound rather simple but this approach is very important. I make sure that I treat my wife with respect in front of both my son and daughter so that my son knows how important it is to respect woman, this also demonstrates to my daughter how a man should treat her in the future. Our current society is still disrespectful to women. It is shown in our movies, music, advertisements, and many other aspects of our society. It is important to offer our children, especially daughters, positive images of women in society.

4) Find role models

My daughter is lucky that she has the opportunity to see such a positive woman like her mother in her life. My wife is a breadwinner, a scholar, a nurse, and to most a feminist. All of these traits have helped my daughter develop into a strong little girl due to roles being reversed in a household. But it is also important for the negative images of women to be counteracted by positive images of women. For example most men enjoy watching sports, if your daughter is in the room and the opportunity is available let your daughter watch women playing sports. My daughter enjoys watching women playing soccer with me. The first time she watched women playing she was happy and sat down on the couch and watched the whole game. This was one of the best moments that I have experienced this summer with my daughter.

5) Teach your daughter to respect herself

Do not force her to become a sex object by letting her run around town in her two-piece bikini, and cover her face in make-up in the early stages of her life. This only helps promote the sex image that the media is dependent on. Fathers, we are raising the women of the future and it is important that they have the tools necessary to find men that will respect them and love them.

So in short fathers- treat your daughter like she is the love of your life. Cherish her and allow her to be who she is. If we love them like they should be loved then we can help them grow into the strong women we know they can be.